What ever happened to the option of “Single”?

Met a friend out last night, and started talking to a guy, just cause I’m a Louisiana girl and would talk to the wall if it would stay still long enough, and he dumped on my his story of how he’s getting a divorce, but didn’t ask for it, and how he was taken by surprise by it, and blah, blah, blah.  I acted interested, but I wished I could find a way out of the conversation because it was just awkward.  He then asked about me; So are you married?  Nope.  Are you in a relationship?  Nope.  Are you a Lesbian?  Nope.  I looked at him with the strangest face after he asked me if I was a Lesbian and told him…I’m single, it’s not a bad thing.  Then he back peddled is thinking, but I really was done with the conversation by this point.

But – this Forced Divorced Man got me thinking…Why is the option of being single a bad one?  Because from where I’m standing today, it’s really not all that bad.

The “Ex” Factor

Have you ever lived in “Cinderella World” (I live there a lot) and thought, “If only I and (Fill in the blank with an ex’s name) could get back together, everything would be perfect.”?  And then you run into them, or spend time with them, or even get back together and realize…There was a reason why we didn’t work out.

And you walk away from the experience so happy about the fact that the relationship didn’t work out.  Doesn’t that just make you feel good?  🙂

Private Number

So – yet again – this story comes from meeting a dude off of the internet….

We email back and forth for a while and I give him my number, because I all honesty, I don’t want an “email friend”, I’m not in 4th grade any more and pen pals aren’t what I’m looking for.  If I was, I would mail my 4th grade pen pal.

So he calls me, but blocks his number, I don’t think anything of it, because after my last few dates, I wish I would have blocked my number from them!  So, we talk and things seem okay, and we talk about where we want to get together for a date.  I suggest just meeting at a bar for a drink, he tell me that he doesn’t drink so that won’t work.  I suggest coffee then, he says that’s not really what he had in mind….it was a constant, “no, your idea sucks” feeling, so finally I asked him what did he want to do….and he responded bowling.  Now – I HATE bowling, so I tried to explain to him that bowling is not my favorite thing, I actually think I told him that I hate it with passion.  I would have thought he would have said – oh, okay and suggest something different.  Nope, he didn’t, he continued to push the idea of bowling.  It was a good fifteen minute conversation about HE feels comfortable there, and HE really likes to bowl, and HE, and HE, and HE…so finally I just said – fine, whatever, I’ll go bowling…

Well, I went bowling, it wasn’t horrible and we even set up another date.

That day rolls around, and it was a little crazy because my mom was coming in for a visit and I had to make sure that my house was “mom” cleaned, he calls – blocks his number again, to confirm where we were going to meet and all that jazz.  And of coarse I’m running late, and should have left my house 10 minutes ago, and I told him that, and he got a little frustrated, but I just let him know that things happen.  While I was on the phone with him, I tried to open my garage door and it wouldn’t open, and with my car in the garage, that’s a problem.  He automatically assumed I was going to cancel (and in hind-sight, I think he thought I was trying to stand him up) but I assured him that I wasn’t but if he would give me his number, I would call him back after I figured out why my garage wouldn’t open.  He then got all flabbergasted and insisted that HE would call me back in 10 minutes, because I should have it fixed by then….I think I told him that he was being an ass, but whatever.  So, I get out of my garage, he calls me back, with his number blocked – AGAIN and we meet to go eat sushi.  We walk into the sushi place about 10 minutes before they close for the afternoon and walk straight to a booth.  I asked him if it was okay that we are here and maybe we should go to another place that’s not about to close, when he informed me that he knew the owner and it was cool…THEN he pulled out his cell phone, and called the owner, instead of walking the 50 feet to the sushi bar to let him know we were there….awkward!

So our waiter comes over, Private Number orders at least 10 rolls and then he said  – get yours…I wasn’t taken a back at the amount of sushi rolls he ordered, but I was taken a back at how he barked at me to order, that I was tongue tied, taken very off guard, and just caught by surprise.  I ordered my lunch and we started talking.  While talking, I open my chop sticks and start to play with the paper, he took it out of my hand, and scolded me to stop fidgeting, like my father use to, and then continued on with the conversation…so lunch wasn’t horrible and we left it open that we would talk and see each other again, but after my mom left, and even though he irked me a little, but he didn’t shy away from me calling him out on things, so I though, let’s just get to know one another and what’s the worst that could happen, I might have a new friend..right?

My mom was in town for the week, and I heard from him once, a very weird conversation indeed:

Private Number – I sent you an email – go check it.

Me – why don’t you just tell me now, cause we’re on the phone with each other?

Private Number – just check your email

….and then he hangs up, so curiosity, I go check my email, and it get’s even weirder:

Private Number  – Do you know a guy named Marice?  He’s a white guy, even though it sounds like a black dude, he drives a white SUV

Me – Nope

Private Number – Are you sure – he lives in (some town that I have NO idea where it is), he’s car is white and he has rims.

Me – No, I don’t know anyone by that name, I don’t even know where that town is, and why would I care if he was black, white, or purple, I don’t know him or his rims….

Private Number – ok, thanks

Me – Really, what is this about?

No response, and I get an unknown call/private number every once in a while – maybe it’s Private Number looking for that dude who’s white with a black name and his white SUV with rims….

Why?

Why is it when I meet someone that seems nice and normal, I decide to turn “gaga” over time in less than a minute?

Is it because I’ve had soooo many not so great dates, that when a good/normal date comes along, I just think they have hung the moon?  Maybe…

Or why do I automatically expect the worst when it comes to me and dating?  Why do I jump the worst possible conclusion if I don’t hear from a guy after a normal date?

Here’s what I think – I know that I want to be with my match and I know that he has to be out there.  But, I’ve been dicked over by enough guys that it’s just really, really hard to believe that he is out there.

Looking at my track record, from the outsider’s point of view, someone could assume that it’s me, and that I have a problem with commitment, when all I really want to find a committed relationship.  So – when someone – normal, or at least polite – comes around, I start living in “Cinderella World” and start thinking , and very unrealistically.  I look at my phone, almost begging it with my eyes to ring with his number or vibrate with a text message from him.  And then when he doesn’t call or text, I automatically think, there is something wrong with me, even if it’s been only a day after our first date.  With every moment of non-communication, self doubt starts to sneak in.  “I said the wrong things,  I didn’t talk enough, I talked too much, He thinks my butt is too big, I’m too ugly”, those horrible thoughts just keep playing over and over in my brain.  Where did I learn to think like this?  Why do I think like this?  Why is it sooo much easier for me to think bad about myself?   Instead of thinking, “It was a good time, but he must not be who I need”, I just keep running those negative thoughts over and over and over again in my brain.

I don’t mean to sound like a “Debbie Downer” but AAAHHHHH!!!  I can’t keep this up, I’m going to have the self esteem of, well, NOTHING!

The disappearing act…

Have you ever wondered what happens to a guy when they just disappear for no reason?  I like to pretend that they must have died, it makes the rejections just a little bit easier.

It’s a story that everyone knows and way too many of us have experienced – – –  I met a guy, we talked, text, and arranged a time and place for our first date.  The date was a great first date, no awkward silences, weird questions, or red flags.  He enjoys a drink or two, knows how to hold a conversation, knows how to give a compliment, and walks me to my car like a gentleman.  A second date is planned, but the location isn’t set in stone,  before we both leave for our homes, and the next day HE texts me.  Sounds like a script to a romantic comedy, right?  The second date isn’t for a few days, but we talk or text every day in between.  Finally it’s time for our second date, I even go out and get a new shirt, just cause…..and I wait for a phone call.  I wait, and wait, and wait, and wait…..and I hear NOTHING…

The only conclusion that is rational to me  – he’s dead.  RIP Dead boy.

 

 

Fuzzy Picture = No Go

Sometimes I wonder why I don’t learn a lesson…like not cleaning the sink, means my kitchen will stink the next morning, I got that lesson down.  But when it comes to dating lessons, especially bad dates, I guess I still need to practice….

So – this guy I met online and like before, he had a good profile, could form complete sentences when we would email back and forth and when we talked on the phone, the conversations were not forced and there were no “red flags” as Oprah tell us to look for.  So we set up a first meeting.  Now I’ve learned in the past, the quicker the better, so every time we talked, I very strongly suggested that we meet for just a drink, only ONE drink.  This guy seemed like he got the message….the key word here is seemed.

We meet a Olive Garden (now my red flag warning is going off – Olive Garden???).  He told me that he had hurt his knee and asked me if I cared about that.  I found that strange, because why would it matter to me if he was on crutches…but anyway.  At least I could spot him out, all I had to do was look for the dude on crutches.

He was waiting outside for me, and walking up, he had A LOT more than just a “hurt” knee.  His leg was purple…Barney the Dinosaur purple.  I don’t discriminate, so I wouldn’t of cared if he only had one leg, the thing that I didn’t understand is when I asked him what happened, he just said and I quote, “I twisted it”.  Ummmm….really, I didn’t believe it, but I didn’t want to ask too many questions about it, I didn’t want to seem pushy.  But hiding the reason why your leg is hurt, just seems fishy to me.  We made our way into Olive Garden, and I started to notice what he was wearing.  Khaki short – which I understand why, he is on crutches for goodness sake and a black shirt.  The black shirt on the other hand I didn’t not understand and could not give him the benefit of the doubt on this, it was the wrinkliest shirt I had EVER seen.  It’s almost like he looked at the shirt, said “this is what I’m going to wear” and then rolled it up in a ball and kept it there for 45 mins.

So we make our way to the table and the waitress comes and asked if we wanted a drink.  Now – I’m thinking, yes, just a drink, that’s all we are going to have, and then I can go home, quick and easy.  Nope – Wrinkle Shirt dismisses her very quickly and then proceeds to tell me that he doesn’t drink and how he went out with a girl on a date and that’s all she did, and how horrible she was and just bashing her.  RED FLAG #1  – you don’t drink?  I know I said MANY times, let’s meet for a drink, don’t you think that would have been the time to tell me that you don’t….RED FLAG #2 – bashing a previous date to me…really, not classy…

So – no drinks, then just an appetizer, please, and then we can go….nope – wrinkle shirt opens the menu and starts to look at what he wanted to order.  I’m already to the point that I know, we are going to have NOTHING in common, and I really don’t want to have to sit through an awkward dinner, but wrinkle shirt orders dinner…great.  The only thing that I could think of was, what can I order that can be out FAST….Bruschetta – you don’t have to cook that, with NO salad and bread sticks!

So while we waited, I figured to make the best of the situation and just hold a normal conversation.  Well, that didn’t happen either.  Wrinkle shirt asked me a few questions about why I was single…RED FLAG #3 – why would any man ask that to a girl he’s on a date with?  To change the subject, I started asking him questions.  Now – I’m a teacher, so asking questions is my job, and I know how to ask a question that will promote conversations, and ALL the questions I asked were VERY open-ended, and wrinkle shirt answered them with “Nope” or “Yeah”.  Great buddy, thanks a lot!

By the time the waitress finally brought our food, I had no idea what I was going to talk to wrinkle shirt about, because he wouldn’t talk!  Between bites, I thought, I’m going to try this one more time, “So” I ask, “Are you from Florida?  Have you always lived here?”  “Nope” wrinkle shirt answers…ok thanks buddy.  Then he asks me, “So, are you from Orlando?”  “No, I’m from New Orleans” and I elaborated more.  He then says, “New Orleans, that’s where that flood happened, right?”  I’ve never been able to hide my expressions well on my face and this was a time that I KNOW he could read me like an open book.  I then replied, ” That flood – that’s called HURRICANE KATRINA.”  With that comment, I pushed back my untouched plate of bruschetta and caught eye contact with our waitress and pleaded with my eyes for her to bring the check!  Thank goodness for my waitress, because she brought the check faster than I’ve ever seen! (I wished I would have had ten buck to give her,  she could just tell I was MISERABLE and moved sooo quickly)

Wrinkle shirt finished is meal and then looked at the check.  He opened the bill and then complained about how much the meal cost and how he could have made it at home for 1/3 of the price(RED FLAG #4)….and then had the audacity to ask me to leave the tip!!!(RED FLAG #5)  I explained to him that I had NO cash, sorry dude, not going to happen!  If I wasn’t showing disgust on my face yet, I was now!

We walk out, I say good bye to him at the entrance of Olive Garden, and basically RAN to my car…I drove away and he was still hobbling to his car when i was pulling out of the parking lot.

He still calls me at least once a week………

Dinner at 5? That should have been my first clue…

I am on a free online dating website, and this is were I met my “blue light special” date.

First of all, I am not quick to meet people, and I know that people lie, post old pictures and etc.  Second of all, I’m just too nice.

So I met this date on the free online website…his profile seemed updated, had correct grammar and didn’t have any misspelled words or incomplete sentences.  We emailed back and forth, then exchanged phone numbers, and talked for a week or two before he suggested that we meet.  His profile said he was forty, and he had a job…I thought he was at least someone worth meeting.

Our date:  We met at Fridays, in the bar area.  I wore a black summer dress, just because it’s too hot in the summer for anything else, and it looks cute.  I didn’t think about the time, 5 o’clock, I just thought we were meeting for a drink at happy hour.  I walked in, and well, he wasn’t 40, at least not in 2010…I would guess he was forty in 2000.

Here’s where I’m too nice – I stayed…all of my friend told me I should have left, because he lied, but I just don’t know how to do that….

So, I said hello, introduced myself, and sat down at the booth he had for us.  As soon as I sat, the waitress was hovering over our table, I told myself, “stay for one drink, be polite, and then leave”, but Geriatric Guy had a different plan…before I could say boo, he ordered two appetizers and then ordered a second drink for himself.  That’s when I thought, well shit, might as well drink on his dollar, and ordered a beer.

Sitting across from Geriatric Guy (GG for short), I was able to look at him up close and noticed his sunken in cheeks, his old man shirt and drink, 7 & 7.   It was the most uncomfortable that I’ve been in a long time.  And the longer I sat there, the lower and lower my dress became and the more my boobs were showing.  It was just sooo awkward!  We had the normal, blind date conversations, asked about where each of us were from, what we do for a living, blah, blah, blah.  Then the topic of marriage and children came up.  He is divorced and had kids, neither is a problem for me.  It did become a problem when he told me his YOUNGEST is 26!!!  Ummm…did you not realize that I’m closer in age to your children than you.  I never asked GG how old he was, I just couldn’t form the question, and in all honesty, I didn’t want to know…

The conversation wasn’t horrible, but I felt like I was talking to my own father, so I figured I got my dad conversation for the month over.  But I’m not going on dates to have “dad” conversations!!

Finally, the date was winding down, and GG asked “So, shall we continue this into the evening?”  I basically SCREAMED NO at him, so quickly, I think we both jumped.  I then quickly added the excuse that I had to babysit early in the morning, and need to get home (at 6pm).  He walked me to my car, or the curb were my car was, I said goodbye and avoided any contact with him.  All signs that scream, “Please don’t contact me EVER again!”

The kicker was, the next morning, I wake up to a text message from GG that reads: “I could use some babysitting of my own, you sure you can’t babysit me?”

GROSS!!!!!!!!

I never responded, and after he called me for a week and I ignored each call, he finally got the message….

What a waste of make up….

Here’s a little about me…I’m a single 31 year old female, originally from town outside of New Orleans, but it’s just easier for me to say I’m from New Orleans, so I do.  I moved to Orlando, Florida eight years ago.  I interned with Disney for six months before I got a job in education in Orlando.  I love my job, my friends, and living in Otown, but DAMN…why is it sooo hard just to find decent date???

My friends tell me that my dating stories are worth sharing, so I figured why not…I hope you enjoy reading, and maybe one day, one of my dates will turn into a second one!