Why?

Why is it when I meet someone that seems nice and normal, I decide to turn “gaga” over time in less than a minute?

Is it because I’ve had soooo many not so great dates, that when a good/normal date comes along, I just think they have hung the moon?  Maybe…

Or why do I automatically expect the worst when it comes to me and dating?  Why do I jump the worst possible conclusion if I don’t hear from a guy after a normal date?

Here’s what I think – I know that I want to be with my match and I know that he has to be out there.  But, I’ve been dicked over by enough guys that it’s just really, really hard to believe that he is out there.

Looking at my track record, from the outsider’s point of view, someone could assume that it’s me, and that I have a problem with commitment, when all I really want to find a committed relationship.  So – when someone – normal, or at least polite – comes around, I start living in “Cinderella World” and start thinking , and very unrealistically.  I look at my phone, almost begging it with my eyes to ring with his number or vibrate with a text message from him.  And then when he doesn’t call or text, I automatically think, there is something wrong with me, even if it’s been only a day after our first date.  With every moment of non-communication, self doubt starts to sneak in.  “I said the wrong things,  I didn’t talk enough, I talked too much, He thinks my butt is too big, I’m too ugly”, those horrible thoughts just keep playing over and over in my brain.  Where did I learn to think like this?  Why do I think like this?  Why is it sooo much easier for me to think bad about myself?   Instead of thinking, “It was a good time, but he must not be who I need”, I just keep running those negative thoughts over and over and over again in my brain.

I don’t mean to sound like a “Debbie Downer” but AAAHHHHH!!!  I can’t keep this up, I’m going to have the self esteem of, well, NOTHING!